Douches among men and women
by Boomslang314
Summary: Chad is a rogue... a not very good one so he sets out to become the best rogue ever and meets some interesting people on the way, he soon discovers something that noone could have imagined. Lots of strange humor, from this paired project. R & R.
1. The beginning

A.N:

Boomslang: We do not own blizzard or world of warcraft and the warcraft series, all though we'd like to and im sure we'd do a better job of it. There'd be planes and lasers and puppies…

Straye: shut up and get back to work on the typewriter with all the other monkey slaves. This chapter is basically about the beginning of our main character the rogue (although we hate rogues cause they own us on pvp) and we're going to add more people later!!! And by the way it is narrated by us cause we are gods.

Chapter 1-The beginning

In the beginning there was a big bang and the particles came together to create the world…but that's another story.

It all started with the average shmoe rouge that was out to become super rogue protector of all things sexual, this night elf's name was…Chad. His real name is Chadwick Merryweather, but people made fun of him for it. " Hey God shut up and call me the C its cool." Chad cried out

Boomslang: Okay the C

Straye: Hahahahaha The C how fucked up is that! (while rolling around wetting himself).

Boomslang: Ew the floors wet now, okay Chad bye bye (while making splashes sounds when he's walking away).

"The C get it right DAMNS you!!!"

Anyways Chad decided that it was time to go and get some training so he went to Darnassus the night elf main ghetto to get some training from the top rogues. Chad hadn't been to Darnassus since the new chief was elected Q Biddy, so one of the sentinels asked Chad

"Yo home dog what you be wanting to know about our ghetto?"

"Excuse me?" Chad replied with a look confusion on his face

"Please speak like us or the master will beat us with his stick he will!" the Guard replied in a suitably corny English accent under his breath.

"Oh uh, sorry." the guard looked at him pleadingly "fine… bitch. I be wantin' to know where da rogue top G is to teach me some killer new moves to waste some gangsta bitches from da east side" Chad said like a complete tard "word."

"What?" said the sentinel, making Chad look like a moron

"Where the hells the freakin' rogue trainer dip?"

"ARGH!! Over there sorry sir!" the sentinel screeched

"THANK YOU!!!" Chad yelled. As he walked off he uttered 'dill-hole' under his breath as the sentinel got beat down with a stick by one of Q Biddy's secret police.

Chad arrived at the inn to find the rogue trainer curled up in the dark muttering to himself. It sounded like 'mmmmthecheeseystuffedcrustwastaaasty' and started dribbling on the floor.

"Excuse me…are you the rogue trainer?" Chad inquired

"Yeah who wants to know?" The rogue trainer replied looking rather suspiciously

"Err…Chad…Wick…Merryweather" Chad mumbled in a quiet voice. The rogue trainer burst out laughing and had a heart attack on the floor. Just as this was happening a crazy paladin ran through the door screaming "I'M A DOCTOR!!!!"

He ran up to the rogue trainer and lifted his Mighty mace with lifestealing enchant. He brought it down on the trainer's ribs, making a yummy crunching sound.

"Oh god not another one!" the paladin said as he put his hand on the cadaver "HEAL! HEAL /macrorez" just then the rogue trainer jumped to his feet as the inn started yelling

"Praise the lord!"

"I can walk again!" the rogue said as a gospel choir started singing, "tell me doctor, can I still play the piano."

"Sure you can!" exclaimed the paladin

"Well I couldn't before! Hallelujah!"

Chad, now extremely pissed off at the paladin approached the rogue trainer

"NOW can I get my new spell?" Chad asked

"Sure just get me some eucalyptus leaves"

"Aren't those loaded with drugs?"

"JUST GET ME THEM!!!!!"

"Fine fine" Chad responded as he walked off to the forbidden eucalyptus leaves. A guard approached him, using his special ninja powers; he kicked him in the nads. He grabbed the leaves and ran back. He approached the trainer and after a short moment of sniffing and giggling, the druggie gave him the new spell 'dolnor castratis'

"You'll know it when you see it." The hophead informed him.

A.N

Well that was weird, hope you like it. If there's enough good reviews we'll post the next chapter. Peace out.


	2. To Aberdeen…oh wait Auberdine

Chapter 2-To Aberdeen…oh wait Auberdine

A.N

Boomslang: We don't own blizzard or any of its games, and we don't own any of the films or anything else that is owned by anybody that can sue us.

straye: Yea we'd make it better with duckies, and bicycles and make the gnome mount a tauren.

Chad decided to introduce himself to the paladin that gave him so much trouble beforehand; he noticed he was slightly detached

"Hey, my name is Chad" he said to him

"Howdy friend! My name is…" the paladin struck an almighty pose "SIR KILLSALOT!!!" He exclaimed as trumpets played all around him

"Aaw why can't I have a decent name?" Chad lamented

"well you buy em from that crazy dwarf over there." Sir killsalot informed Chad. Chad looked over to where the Paladin pointed to see a Dwarf Waving erratically at everyone who walked past him. Chad approached the Dwarf tradesman, who was for some reason standing on his head. He was randomly shouting

"I can see my feet from here!"

Chad walked up to the rather odd Dwarf. He thought to himself that it was no wonder that Sir killy (Chad's new name for Sir Killsalot) chose to buy a name from this obviously high Dwarf, high from some unknown substance only know by us gods.

"Hi Mr. Whatsyourname."

"BLASPHEMIC, MY NAME IS GOD!!!!!"

Boomslang: HOW DARE YE BARE FALSE IDLESHIP

Straye: I don't know what the fuck your talking about but we're god motherfucker!!!!

Straye and Boomslang reached down from the heavens above with mighty fingers and flicked him far away to Desolace.

Anyway back to the 'prophecy' _cough cough _I mean the biggest waste of my life EVER!!!!

Chad and Sir Killsalot go to the near by tavern to find a skilled boats man to take them to Auberdine. At the tavern Chad and Sir k took at seat at the bar and ordered some booze, while waiting for some booze a shifty man came over and said "You lookin' for a boats-man?"

"Why yes we are," Chad replied

"Oh…cause I was expecting you to say no" the man said looking very displeased.

"Oh do you know where to find one?" Sir k asked

"Oh sure that guy over there" he said pointing to a guy in the corner.

"Well ok thanks" Chad said and the man walked off, "Well we'll finish our drinks then go talk to him."

When the drinks came Chad swept the drink up and started chugging it down, Sir k on the other hand stared at his drink with a look of pure horror as he was a complete retard and was not skilled enough to drink it, he lifted it to his face and went to drink it but poured it all over his crotch.

"You ok?" Chad asked Sir k as he sat there crying and everyone in the bar laughing at him.

"Yea, its just I wasn't skilled enough to drink it"

"Okay…it happens to the best of us sometimes" Chad said patting Sir K on the back as he turned away he started sniggering uncontrollably.

They then approached the 'smuggler' who so happened to be dressed in rags and stroking his 'wookie'.

"I here you have a boat." Chad inquired

"IT'S A SHIP GOD DAMN YOU A SHIP."

Straye: I cant be bothered right now you?

Boomslang: Nah me neither.

"Ok sheesh is it fast?"

"Hell yeah its fast it can make the kessel run in less than 5 parsecs."

"O…k" Chad said worryingly backing away, "what the hell did he just say?" whispering to Sir Kills.

"Sorry wrong script that's the original trilogy"

"Of…course so is it fast?"

"Hell yeah-"

"Don't start that again"

"Before I take you I have to finish some 'business'." At that moment as if on cue a green Draeni enters the room. In a second flat the captain whips out a crossbow and shoots the Draeni straight in the head.

"Right that's done you ready?"

"Mmmm sure" Chad said looking at Sir Kills for recognition answered with only a shrug.

They arrive at the docks.

"We have another passenger, this is Larn"

Larn was a tall beautiful night elf priest wearing robes covering her in a shroud of darkness and mystery. At once everyone whistled like feral dogs drooling over their prey.

"Hey I'm Larn," she said to the group.

"Howdy I'm Chad and this is Sir Killsalot" Chad responded "and sorry but aren't Night elf clothes usually very revealing?"

"yeah this is a male robe, I'm tired of men perving on me and me having to own them."

"Oh sure a woman owning a man." Sir K scoffed

"fine allow me to demonstrate" Larn sighed as she lifted her robes exposing her brassiere. A man standing on the docks suddenly broke out in a bout of drool and wolf whistles, Larn Fixed him with an angry stare. He instantly stopped and ran off but luckily, Larn paralysed him and he fell into the murloc infested waters.

"So what did you do today old chap." The murloc said to the other murloc in a very stereotypical English accent

"well I was studying Einsteins theory of relativity" the murloc replied. When a large splash was heard in the distance.

"Oh bother another human has fallen into our water" the murloc said "let me take care of this will you"

"okay" the murloc said while sitting back and sipping tea, suddenly there was that weird murloc sound which I ain't even gonna try and spell. You know the one.

Back at the dock sir k was standing there in amazement "Wow how'd you do that, it was freakin' awesome" Sir K said with what looked like an unhinged jaw.

"Is your friend gonna be alright…er sorry I didn't catch your name" Larn said looking at Chad

"It's Chad and yea sir K gets really easily amused" Chad said trying to look down Larns top. Larn caught Chad and gave him a mighty back-hand slap round his face.

Chad sniffling and tears gathering in his eyes "ouch sniffles that really hurt sniffles my face oh dear I'm gonna cry sniffles harder" He then bursts out crying uncontrollably.

"ahhh sorry I didn't mean to make you cry, oh please stop crying please" Larn said with a sorry look on her face "come here chad" larn said hugging Chad with his head near to her breast's, then chad started to giggle under his breath.

Suddenly there was a loud gun shot as Sir K, Chad and Larn turned to see the rugged captain stand there with his large beard waving around in the wind. " I'm avenged your captain I'm taking you all to Aberdeen…"

"Don't you mean Auberdine?" Larn question

"Well yes but anyway You'll have to pay 100 pieces of shiny, shiny, shiny GOLD each when we arrive"

"100 pieces each" they all exclaimed at once.

"well my boats the only way there, otherwise you'll have to swim and besides…" avenged pointed out towards the foggy ocean "I hear those fishes get a bit frisky at this time of day"

"Fine but what boat are you talkin' about the only one in the harbour is the one leaving" Chad said pointing towards a rather shitty looking boat in the distance.

" ah bloody asshole pikey gnomes stole my freakin boat again" avenged said shouting at the boat slowly gathering speed "I'll get you, you… er…eem, numpties" Avenged said taking off his shoe and throwing it at the boat

"quickly boys there a shoe floating in the water get it" said one of the gnomes with a very irritating voice. Then a gnome jumped of the boat into the water and grabbed the shoe then realised he cant swim " ahhh help me I cant swim I'm drowning help me ahhhhhhhh" He went under the water and came back up with a sea snake wrapped round his neck, barely chanting a spell as he struggled for air when a flare burst from his hand and hit the mast, the mast then fell over a squished a gnome, "god damnit Clive don't kill our own people".

Straye: hey that's blasphemy, I'll shall SMITE you

Then a burst of lighting came down on the boat and made it explode in a giant fiery ball of death. Gnomes spilled out of the wreckage on fire and limbs missing. A leg flew through the air and hit Avenged in the head

Boomslang: wow that was a lot of smiting for a

Saying god damn it, you didn't even smite that hunter a tiny bit, for blaspheming.

Straye: yea well gnomes bother me.

Avenged picked up the leg, and shouted "Ha now if have your leg _and_ your shoe ass faces" avenged turned around to see the look of shear horror on every ones face and simply said "I guess we won't be seeing them again"

"Or your boat" said sir k starting to get some colour in his face

"ahh buggar I forgot about that!" Avenged said looking into the distance

"how are we meant to get to Auberdine now" Chad moaned.

Just as he said that a thick fog descended onto the whole of Darnassus, and the outline of a boat appeared in the distance, as it appeared and pulled up at the dock an undead appeared from top deck "I'm the boats-man" the undead who had a farmers accent and was dressed in some overalls, a chequered shirt and a straw hat.

"an undead!" Larn gasped

"stand back everyone I'll take care of this" Avenged said purposely pressing against Larns breast, Larn then gave Avenged an almighty kick up the arse, which propelled him onto the boats-man and ripping of his arms.

"Oh I needed that" the boats-man said in a sarcastic voice "as much as you want to kill me I am neither part of the horde nor alliance"

"oh, sorry 'bout the arm then." Avenged replied

"oh no worries that's the fifth this week I'll just get another off me brother, he runs the local cemetery."

"so you grave rob? My daddy always said that was bad" said sir K

"oh no to us that's like weekly shopping, anyhow I can take you where you need to go."

"oh thanks!" Chad exclaimed "we need to go to Auberdine"

"well hop on everyone TO ABERDEEN- woops I mean Auberdine!"

A.N

Hope you liked this chapter the next one will be about the gang and what they did before they met. R & R guys, see you on the other side.


End file.
